Uncommon Common Sense Leadership

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Leadership Isn’t Always from the Front

Leadership @2017 Beth Terry, CSP
~ Leadership is Fluid

I’m proud of my girl Chenty. She’s a successful manager in a Hawaii retail operation. I’ve always known she’d do well. As a teenager, she was a wonderful basketball coach for her sisters and friends. Sports is one of the great ways to learn how to be a Leader, how to share success, and how to occasionally lose and be gracious about it. (Hollywood could learn a few things from my girls right now!)

Chenty will be 33 in a few days. That’s a magical age and a wonderful number. It’s the beginning stretch of one’s “real” career life. Amazing opportunities and new doors await. I’m excited and proud of her for her work ethic and her willingness to take on these new responsibilities. (Not all “Millenials” are sitting around waiting to be taken care of!)

Pondering what gift to give for this special birthday, I remembered an inspirational leadership book from 1994. Thumbing through its well-worn pages dotted with scribbles and torn post-it notes I realized I’d used this book more than I thought. Not only did it guide my management style, it was a key to my parenting style. Looking at the arc of history with both managing employees and raising kids, it was evident how practical, effective and true these words were.

Leadership Means Being Accountable

What is this great book? Flight of the Buffalo by James Belasco and Ralph Stayer, colleagues and peers of Tom Peters. I sheepishly admit I originally bought it because of the name. I’ve collected Buffalo carvings since I was a little girl in South Dakota. It turned out to be the best Leadership book I ever read. As I scan it I can see how many of these principles settled into to the core of my Life and Management philosophies. It was that profound. So “Thank You” to Belasco and Stayer.

Perhaps the most compelling message is how vital it is for Leaders to take responsibility for whatever mess/success/direction their company takes. Leadership MUST be accountable. Pointing fingers, assigning blame, deflecting criticism, denigrating the competition, muddying the waters and building stronger barn doors after the livestock have run amok is a surefire guarantee for failure. (Again, Hollywood & DC, are you listening? I’m not being political, I’m making a practical business observation here!)

The chapter and paragraph titles give you a sense of their Uncommon Common Sense: Mistakes tell you where the oil isn’t; Beware sleeping with Corpses; Business is a Cycle; What do Customers Really Buy?; Avoiding Victimitis; Upward Delegation is a Curse… It’s worth a look at the titles alone.

The most important message? Human Beings WANT to succeed. They WANT to be led, encouraged, celebrated, and made to feel they are an important part of the success of the company. We all need to be needed, to feel our lives are worth something and our contributions matter.

The authors don’t know I’m writing this. It’s my New Years Gift to you. Go buy this book. Buy it in paper form so you can write on it, highlight it, put exclamations in the borders and fill it up with post-it-notes. Buy copies for your management teams!

Often in business we are looking for the next big thing or the latest thought leader. Looking back a few decades or even centuries can yield wonderful insights to carry you and your organization into the new year with success and positive impact.

Take care of yourself and your team! The world NEEDS successful companies and people!

Be safe,

Beth Terry

© 1998-2017 Beth Terry • All Rights Reserved

How to have a Happier New Year

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Happy New Year!

 

Are you a diamond in the rough? Is life a little wonky right now? I wrote this column in my other blog way back in 2009 and it came to mind again. I overheard my Dad counseling someone who had lost his job: Diamond in the Rubble

I’ll add my own two cents to this — it’s my surefire way to move beyond all the stuff that’s making you nutso ~~~

The best way to have a Happier New Year is to look at your past few years objectively without beating yourself up. Take these quick steps:

  1. Write down briefly what happened.
  2. Think about how you may have participated in making things harder for yourself. Accountability & Responsibility are wonderful antidotes to stress and guilt. Just own it and move on.
  3. Ask yourself what you would do differently if you could. This gives you ideas for a new blueprint.
  4. Think about how you can change, modify, alter some of your behaviors and choices for the future. These are what we usually call “Resolutions.”
  5. Take a deep breath and forgive yourself for past choices and choose now to make better ones. If you want to be dramatic, take a pen and cross off all the dumb choices you made. Then take that list out to your BBQ and set it on fire… or put it in the shredder as a symbolic way to dump the trash and get ready for a NEW and shinier year.

This is a simple process. It works. I do it every year on the night before my birthday and the evening before the New Year. I usually write item #1 on a separate piece of paper. The ideas for change – my resolutions – are on a new piece of paper that I can keep and post somewhere in my office.

The most important efforts in the above list are the ones that involve taking responsibility for our own mess and forgiving ourselves. Everybody messes up. Learning from it is the real gift. Dumping all the guilt and trash from it is a secondary and important gift as well.

This has been a rough year in many ways. It seems the whole country is at each others throats. Relax. Be willing to listen to each other. Have conversations instead of yelling and hurling epithets. We all see the world from our own unique perspective. Maybe the person you are mad at has a perspective you haven’t thought of. None of us has a corner on the truth. And, really, ignore politicians, celebrities and lobbyists with a bone to pick. Remember, they are all getting paid to say the things they say. You are better than that. Think for yourself and resolve to have a happier new year.

You can do this.

I’m hangin’ right in there with you.

Happy New Year! Happy New You.

Be safe,

Beth Terry

© 1998-2016 Beth Terry • All Rights Reserved

How to Stay Sane this Holiday

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Are you a Holiday Elf? Or is it tough this time of year?

Stay Sane This Holiday Season

Ho ho ho Holiday … Harumph?

Happy Holidays turning into Harried Holidays?

Holidays are historically more stressful than other times. Not only do we miss loved ones that passed away, our expectations create anxiety.

In childhood most were taught this is a “magical time” – so we should be happier. Most kids love it. Adults often resist Holiday Magic. Some work at inoculating themselves against wonder, joy, magical feelings, amazement, delight…

Instead, we worry. A lot. We worry about buying the right gift, credit card bills in January, will the storm windows hold another season, will my car start tomorrow, are my thighs too fat, is my hair thinning and will my cowboy hat cover the bald spot?

Then there’s the added burden of the “perkiness factor.” We’re supposed to suspend all our usual grumpiness and just be happy. Happy Happy Happy Holidays – bleah.

Many people just don’t want to be happy. It’s too hard. They wish the holidays would go by quickly. Some have old memories and wounds that get in the way. Some have had a tough year so it’s not easy to be perky.

Here are 7 tips to enjoy the Holidays. Hey, it could be your last, you never know. Celebrate ANYWAY.

  1. You don’t need to do it all yourself. There are people who clean house, wrap gifts, cook, file, walk the dog, and all that good stuff. They need employment during the holidays and we need you to be sane. Hire them.
  1. Not everyone needs a gift from you. Write a note, an e-mail or call them. The joy of the holidays is in connecting with those you love. Connection = Priceless. Or if a gift is in order, the perfect gift may be a gift certificate for a book, spa, beauty parlor, or golf course. (Or, of course, one of my books!) Find things that are easy to wrap, easy to mail, easy to transport.
  1. People move. Find them online. Snail mail will come back. Start a basket for returned correspondence. Follow up at your leisure. Set aside time to handle correspondence and be done with it a little at a time. Keep track of new addresses (and while you are at it, I no longer live in Hawaii…)
  1. Create a holiday budget and stick to it. Carry only enough cash for holiday shopping & a few unexpected surprises along the way. Selectively leave high interest credit cards home. If you shop online, keep a log of purchases to track your spending.
  1. Be conscious of what you eat, but don’t try and diet right now. Try eating healthy food before you leave for parties. Apples are great because they have a chemical that stems hunger. Drinking water before, during and after parties will also keep you from over eating and over-imbibing. If you drink, remember Prevent DWI with DD.W.T.S. – Designated Driver, Walk, Taxi (or Lyft/Uber), Sleep it off
  1. Be Aware – Be safe. Situational Awareness is your friend. Pay attention to others in parking lots and stores. Watch your purses and wallets. Don’t carry more than you have to. Don’t flash money in front of other people. If your intuition sounds a warning, pay attention. Get into the habit of locking your door the moment you get in your car. Have packages delivered to friends if you won’t be home when the UPS guy shows up.

TIPS: Ladies, when you put on your seat belt, slip the belt through your purse handle first. If someone tries a smash & grab (breaking the window to get your purse) it will be secured. If you load your trunk, toss your purse into the trunk or over the back seat first while holding your keys in your hand, then lock the car while the trunk is open. That locks all the other doors, protects your car and contents, and removes temptation to grab your purse off your shoulder or out of your cart while you are distracted. If you load gifts into your trunk, don’t leave the car and walk away. That invites auto theft or theft from your vehicle if the bad guys are watching.

  1. Be kind to each other this season. Even if you aren’t stressed, remember that other people may be. Not everyone finds this a jolly time of year. Ramp up the consideration and tolerance a little. Take lots of deep breaths, and don’t take it all so seriously. We are in this world together. Consideration, kindness, generosity and patience go a long way to reducing the collective stress on the planet.

Take care of yourself this Holiday Season! We need you!

Be safe,

Beth Terry

© 1998-2016 Beth Terry • All Rights Reserved

How to Stay Sane this Holiday

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Are you a Holiday Elf? Or is it tough this time of year?

Stay Sane This Holiday Season

Ho ho ho Holiday … Harumph?

Happy Holidays turning into Harried Holidays?

Holidays are historically more stressful than other times. Not only do we miss loved ones that passed away, our expectations create anxiety.

In childhood most were taught this is a “magical time” – so we should be happier. Most kids love it. Adults often resist Holiday Magic. Some work at inoculating themselves against wonder, joy, magical feelings, amazement, delight…

Instead, we worry. A lot. We worry about buying the right gift, credit card bills in January, will the storm windows hold another season, will my car start tomorrow, are my thighs too fat, is my hair thinning and will my cowboy hat cover the bald spot?

Then there’s the added burden of the “perkiness factor.” We’re supposed to suspend all our usual grumpiness and just be happy. Happy Happy Happy Holidays – bleah.

Many people just don’t want to be happy. It’s too hard. They wish the holidays would go by quickly. Some have old memories and wounds that get in the way. Some have had a tough year so it’s not easy to be perky.

Here are 7 tips to enjoy the Holidays. Hey, it could be your last, you never know. Celebrate ANYWAY.

  1. You don’t need to do it all yourself. There are people who clean house, wrap gifts, cook, file, walk the dog, and all that good stuff. They need employment during the holidays and we need you to be sane. Hire them.
  1. Not everyone needs a gift from you. Write a note, an e-mail or call them. The joy of the holidays is in connecting with those you love. Connection = Priceless. Or if a gift is in order, the perfect gift may be a gift certificate for a book, spa, beauty parlor, or golf course. (Or, of course, one of my books!) Find things that are easy to wrap, easy to mail, easy to transport.
  1. People move. Find them online. Snail mail will come back. Start a basket for returned correspondence. Follow up at your leisure. Set aside time to handle correspondence and be done with it a little at a time. Keep track of new addresses (and while you are at it, I no longer live in Hawaii…)
  1. Create a holiday budget and stick to it. Carry only enough cash for holiday shopping & a few unexpected surprises along the way. Selectively leave high interest credit cards home. If you shop online, keep a log of purchases to track your spending.
  1. Be conscious of what you eat, but don’t try and diet right now. Try eating healthy food before you leave for parties. Apples are great because they have a chemical that stems hunger. Drinking water before, during and after parties will also keep you from over eating and over-imbibing. If you drink, remember Prevent DWI with DD.W.T.S. – Designated Driver, Walk, Taxi (or Lyft/Uber), Sleep it off
  1. Be Aware – Be safe. Situational Awareness is your friend. Pay attention to others in parking lots and stores. Watch your purses and wallets. Don’t carry more than you have to. Don’t flash money in front of other people. If your intuition sounds a warning, pay attention. Get into the habit of locking your door the moment you get in your car. Have packages delivered to friends if you won’t be home when the UPS guy shows up.

TIPS: Ladies, when you put on your seat belt, slip the belt through your purse handle first. If someone tries a smash & grab (breaking the window to get your purse) it will be secured. If you load your trunk, toss your purse into the trunk or over the back seat first while holding your keys in your hand, then lock the car while the trunk is open. That locks all the other doors, protects your car and contents, and removes temptation to grab your purse off your shoulder or out of your cart while you are distracted. If you load gifts into your trunk, don’t leave the car and walk away. That invites auto theft or theft from your vehicle if the bad guys are watching.

  1. Be kind to each other this season. Even if you aren’t stressed, remember that other people may be. Not everyone finds this a jolly time of year. Ramp up the consideration and tolerance a little. Take lots of deep breaths, and don’t take it all so seriously. We are in this world together. Consideration, kindness, generosity and patience go a long way to reducing the collective stress on the planet.

Take care of yourself this Holiday Season! We need you!

Be safe,

Beth Terry

© 1998-2016 Beth Terry • All Rights Reserved

Knock it off! A little Perspective

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Perspective is a good thing!

Perspective from a Dog's view

Knock it off!  Life can be good if you let it be. Look for positive moments, no matter how small. Ignore what you think others think of you. Celebrate little triumphs. Breathe deep and find new Life perspectives. Our selfie-culture makes random strangers’ opinions more important than our own. Instead, celebrate that which makes you unique, happy, centered, healthy and wise.

Stop. Look up from your mobile devils – er devices! Look around. Step back from social media and ask what you desire; what you deserve in your life; what makes you successful and happy. Hint: it’s not 20,000 followers. It’s human contact. One-on-one conversations. Meaningful dialog. Interesting activities that engage more than your two thumbs.

Three thoughts:

  •      Don’t worry what others think.

    They aren’t thinking about you. Don’t give yourself too much credit. Focus instead on being who your dog thinks you are…

If you think people are paying so much attention to you, ask random people to recap what you posted 10 days ago. (No fair looking!) They. Don’t. Know.  Ask what you wore last week. Same response: Shrug. Focus on those who really matter: family, close friends, clients, those who can help you and those who need your support.

  • Stop putting things off for “some day.”  How long do you think you have?

Perspective: life looks small from here
Flying over the Alaskan glaciers

Every year I have this goal: “I want to learn two new things this year, and one of them should scare me a little.”

I’m a pilot. While in Alaska a few years ago, I jumped at the chance to fly in a home built Supercub over the glaciers. It was the thrill of a lifetime. Scary too! See those snowshoes in the photo above? Those are attached to the wing in case we crashed and had to hike out! Yikes! Scary and so amazing!

What’s your goal? What’s on your bucket list? What do you do each year to give you more perspective on life? How long do you think you have?

  • perspective life and death
    People did something to insure your freedom. Respect that!

        Be grateful – every day.

For every little thing: paved roads, indoor plumbing, lights that work, people who are willing to protect you, farmers and ranchers who grow your food, a roof over your head. Look around! Your life is comfy because other people did a thing. Say your ‘gratitudes’ every day upon waking.

I’m constantly amazed at how wonderful the infrastructure is in Phoenix. Our road crews rock! Thank you @ADOT! How they keep everything so well paved in crushing summer heat is a mystery, and I’m very grateful they do!

Look around. There are hundreds of things that people do for you every single day. Be grateful for all the little things that work well and all the people who make it happen. (And yes, I’m talking to you #Kaepernick!)

Gratitude goes a long way to making your day better and it also makes the day of the person you thank along the way. #Respect #Perspective!

Our trip on this spinning ball only lasts about 70-80 revolutions around the sun if we are lucky. Take advantage of every special day. Learn from your mistakes. Keep your head up and be grateful. Life can be good if you learn from the past and keep moving forward.

Blessings,

Beth Terry

© 1998-2016 Beth Terry • All Rights Reserved

When Good Enough is OK

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Sometimes Good Enough is OK and it’s all you need

EverybodysLost.com Beth Terry, CSP
Sometimes Good enough is OK

The desert air hurts in July. When Phoenix temps soar above 111º with humidity hovering below 10%, our famous dry heat assaults our nostrils, lips and cheeks with a heavy fist. Around 4pm when the “heat island” is at its worst, I feel like a circus elephant is riding a tricycle across my chest. Nothing gets done. A siesta looms as the only option.

Today, we woke to cooler temperatures after the salvation of our first rainstorm in months. The whole neighborhood was out and about. We were as giddy as Seattleites who play hooky from work to play in the ocean on a rare sunny day.

Like most of my neighbors, I decided this was a good day to mow the lawn. I got the mower, put on my D-backs baseball cap and gathered all my tools. The mower wouldn’t start. Undaunted and energized by the relatively cool morning (87º) I began mowing my lawn with the weed whacker.

I was lovin’ my new and powerful Black+Decker Trimmer, but I discovered much to my chagrin that a weed whacker doesn’t do such a great job when you’re using it for the entire lawn! I was swinging it around, making divots like a golfer, and after half an hour my arms hurt! Great power tool! Wrong job. The photo above shows you my handiwork. When I stopped, I giggled at the results.

Meh, who cares? It was good enough! An imperfectly mowed lawn is nothing to lose sleep over, it will grow back and I’ll mow it again some day. By the same token, an unmade bed is not a crime and it doesn’t hurt for the bed to air out. Often there are more important things to do than make a bed, including an early morning hike with your sweetheart who doesn’t always have mornings off.

What you can do

With age comes wisdom and the awareness that time is finite. If only I’d known this when I was younger. Some things really don’t matter. Some things don’t need to be done perfectly – or at all!

The next time you’re stressing over a task, ask yourself a few questions:

  1. Is this really all that important?
  2. What would happen if I didn’t do this?
  3. What’s the best use of my time right now?
  4. What’s the minimum effort I can commit to finish it, and not use too much precious time? Finally…
  5. Am I properly equipped to do this, or is there someone else who could do it faster, better and cheaper?

Surrender!  It’s all good! Your home will never be perfectly clean. Your lawn will never stay perfectly landscaped. Your car will never stay perfectly shiny and neat. Your wrinkles will keep on comin’ and gravity will keep on pullin’.

You are who you are. You are fine. Do your best. Stop worrying about what others think. Truth is, they aren’t thinking about you! Don’t give yourself too much credit. They are worrying about what YOU think of THEM.

Now – go out and play! It’s Saturday!

Blessings,

Beth Terry

© 1998-2016 Beth Terry • All Rights Reserved

When Good Enough is OK

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Sometimes Good Enough is OK and it’s all you need

EverybodysLost.com Beth Terry, CSP
Sometimes Good enough is OK

The desert air hurts in July. When Phoenix temps soar above 111º with humidity hovering below 10%, our famous dry heat assaults our nostrils, lips and cheeks with a heavy fist. Around 4pm when the “heat island” is at its worst, I feel like a circus elephant is riding a tricycle across my chest. Nothing gets done. A siesta looms as the only option.

Today, we woke to cooler temperatures after the salvation of our first rainstorm in months. The whole neighborhood was out and about. We were as giddy as Seattleites who play hooky from work to play in the ocean on a rare sunny day.

Like most of my neighbors, I decided this was a good day to mow the lawn. I got the mower, put on my D-backs baseball cap and gathered all my tools. The mower wouldn’t start. Undaunted and energized by the relatively cool morning (87º) I began mowing my lawn with the weed whacker.

I was lovin’ my new and powerful Black+Decker Trimmer, but I discovered much to my chagrin that a weed whacker doesn’t do such a great job when you’re using it for the entire lawn! I was swinging it around, making divots like a golfer, and after half an hour my arms hurt! Great power tool! Wrong job. The photo above shows you my handiwork. When I stopped, I giggled at the results.

Meh, who cares? It was good enough! An imperfectly mowed lawn is nothing to lose sleep over, it will grow back and I’ll mow it again some day. By the same token, an unmade bed is not a crime and it doesn’t hurt for the bed to air out. Often there are more important things to do than make a bed, including an early morning hike with your sweetheart who doesn’t always have mornings off.

What you can do

With age comes wisdom and the awareness that time is finite. If only I’d known this when I was younger. Some things really don’t matter. Some things don’t need to be done perfectly – or at all!

The next time you’re stressing over a task, ask yourself a few questions:

  1. Is this really all that important?
  2. What would happen if I didn’t do this?
  3. What’s the best use of my time right now?
  4. What’s the minimum effort I can commit to finish it, and not use too much precious time? Finally…
  5. Am I properly equipped to do this, or is there someone else who could do it faster, better and cheaper?

Surrender!  It’s all good! Your home will never be perfectly clean. Your lawn will never stay perfectly landscaped. Your car will never stay perfectly shiny and neat. Your wrinkles will keep on comin’ and gravity will keep on pullin’.

You are who you are. You are fine. Do your best. Stop worrying about what others think. Truth is, they aren’t thinking about you! Don’t give yourself too much credit. They are worrying about what YOU think of THEM.

Now – go out and play! It’s Saturday!

Blessings,

Beth Terry

© 1998-2016 Beth Terry • All Rights Reserved

Death of a Policeman

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Police have families too

We all call the police when we need help
We all call the police when we need help.

I was married to a police officer. I recall vividly how I stayed awake most nights when he was on Third Watch, praying he would come home safely to me and his four daughters. Whenever people look for scapegoats or targets of their anger, it’s easy to point at the person who gave you a speeding ticket or pulled you over for driving erratically or drunk. But police are not all alike, and the bad ones don’t override the good that millions of officers do every day, 24/7, 365 days of the year. My heart is aching right now for the families, so I need to share something I wrote many years ago in my Walking In A Crowd of Angels book. This was written after two of our police friends were killed. Please think of the families they leave behind when tragedies happen.

~~~~~

Death of A Policeman

Beth Terry (from Walking in a Crowd of Angels)

Her husband died today. She sits in disbelief, numbly working through the words she will say to their 4 year old son. Her hands glide over the arm of the couch where last night her husband sat and caressed her hair. Silently she takes back every angry word ever spoken. She fights to remember just what their last words were. You are supposed to remember your last words. She strains to hear his voice, but only remembers the radio reporting the shooting and the call from his Captain. Something about gang violence and retribution. She bargains with God, “He was just doing his job!” She stares at the ceiling and prays this is just the same bad dream every policeman’s wife has from time to time.

They come in waves. “He was a hero.” “It always happens to the good ones.” “So young…”. The table groans under mounds of food. She can’t eat. He can never eat again, how can she eat? They fumble with awkward silences, foolish advice, “It was probably fast, he probably didn’t feel any pain.” Pain? Is there anything but pain?

Classmates file in. They were recruits together. Slowly the room fills with memories: “When we were at the academy…”, “Do you remember the technical driving drills…”, “He stood up for me…”, “I always knew I could count on him…”, “We said we’d go sailing one day…”. Their aching sadness mixed with guilt; they know it could have been any one of them.  They shake their heads and drift out. At home, they hug their children, suddenly grateful for life, for family, for wives and husbands, for another chance.

The business side of death intrudes. “Did he leave a will?” “Where shall we bury him?” “The department will take care of details.” She walks in a daze to their room and finds the uniform she pressed for him this morning. She checks for the love note in his breast pocket and leaves it there. The officer takes away the last uniform her husband will ever wear.

They all leave and she is alone with her sleeping son. She turns every light on in the house, as if to wait for his return from patrol. She sleeps fitfully, then joins her laughing, young husband in her dreams.

And in houses all across town, moonlight streams down on his fellow officers, sobbing in their sleep as grateful wives and husbands silently say a prayer of thanks for one more day.

~~~~~~

Prayers for all the families involved in the horror that is unfolding across America. Please be respectful of the police officers you meet today. Please don’t make this about gun control. If all the guns in the world were taken away, these criminals would have found a way. “Making good people helpless won’t make bad guys harmless.” Prof. Shane Krauser, ASU

Be safe,

Beth Terry

© 1998-2016 Beth Terry • All Rights Reserved

 

Death of a Policeman

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Police have families too

We all call the police when we need help
We all call the police when we need help.

I was married to a police officer. I recall vividly how I stayed awake most nights when he was on Third Watch, praying he would come home safely to me and his four daughters. Whenever people look for scapegoats or targets of their anger, it’s easy to point at the person who gave you a speeding ticket or pulled you over for driving erratically or drunk. But police are not all alike, and the bad ones don’t override the good that millions of officers do every day, 24/7, 365 days of the year. My heart is aching right now for the families, so I need to share something I wrote many years ago in my Walking In A Crowd of Angels book. This was written after two of our police friends were killed. Please think of the families they leave behind when tragedies happen.

~~~~~

Death of A Policeman

Beth Terry (from Walking in a Crowd of Angels)

Her husband died today. She sits in disbelief, numbly working through the words she will say to their 4 year old son. Her hands glide over the arm of the couch where last night her husband sat and caressed her hair. Silently she takes back every angry word ever spoken. She fights to remember just what their last words were. You are supposed to remember your last words. She strains to hear his voice, but only remembers the radio reporting the shooting and the call from his Captain. Something about gang violence and retribution. She bargains with God, “He was just doing his job!” She stares at the ceiling and prays this is just the same bad dream every policeman’s wife has from time to time.

They come in waves. “He was a hero.” “It always happens to the good ones.” “So young…”. The table groans under mounds of food. She can’t eat. He can never eat again, how can she eat? They fumble with awkward silences, foolish advice, “It was probably fast, he probably didn’t feel any pain.” Pain? Is there anything but pain?

Classmates file in. They were recruits together. Slowly the room fills with memories: “When we were at the academy…”, “Do you remember the technical driving drills…”, “He stood up for me…”, “I always knew I could count on him…”, “We said we’d go sailing one day…”. Their aching sadness mixed with guilt; they know it could have been any one of them.  They shake their heads and drift out. At home, they hug their children, suddenly grateful for life, for family, for wives and husbands, for another chance.

The business side of death intrudes. “Did he leave a will?” “Where shall we bury him?” “The department will take care of details.” She walks in a daze to their room and finds the uniform she pressed for him this morning. She checks for the love note in his breast pocket and leaves it there. The officer takes away the last uniform her husband will ever wear.

They all leave and she is alone with her sleeping son. She turns every light on in the house, as if to wait for his return from patrol. She sleeps fitfully, then joins her laughing, young husband in her dreams.

And in houses all across town, moonlight streams down on his fellow officers, sobbing in their sleep as grateful wives and husbands silently say a prayer of thanks for one more day.

~~~~~~

Prayers for all the families involved in the horror that is unfolding across America. Please be respectful of the police officers you meet today. Please don’t make this about gun control. If all the guns in the world were taken away, these criminals would have found a way. “Making good people helpless won’t make bad guys harmless.” Prof. Shane Krauser, ASU

Be safe,

Beth Terry

© 1998-2016 Beth Terry • All Rights Reserved

 

Fathers – Roots and Wings

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Fathers ©2016 Beth Terry, CSP
Fathers have a special bond with daughters

He held my hand
All the way to the Kindergarten door
kissed my nose
and he set me free.

He guided the pink-bedazzled bike
down the driveway,
sent me sailing alone
and he set me free.

He put my feet on his
in that nursery waiting room.
We waltzed, waiting for brother
and he set me free

He hugged me when my first date knocked,
Said, “If I didn’t teach you
anything by now, it’s too late.”
And he set me free.

He drove me to the coast
that rainy September morn.
He hugged me in front of the dorm,
and he set me free.

He walked me down the flower-decked aisle
on a lovely June morning,
kissed my veiled forehead
and he set me free.

∞ ∞ ∞
I kissed his forehead
one last time
as he lay dying
in the burn center.
And I set him free.

∞ ∞ ∞

Fatherhood is a lifetime
of setting your kids free.
And some day, we have to do
the same for them.

Happy Fathers Day to all the Dad’s, Stepdads, Foster Dads, Grandpas, and Big Brother-Dad Stand-ins! We love you and we appreciate your quiet, loving and watchful eyes. Not all of us were lucky enough to have a Dad like mine. Thank you to those men who took the place of the fathers who weren’t there.

Blessings,

Take care of yourself, we need you!

Beth Terry

© 2016 Beth Terry • All Rights Reserved