Relationships Archives ~ Beth Terry

Celebrate Attraction Day!

Posted on February 14, 2017 by — No Comments ↓

Happy Valentine’s Day! Today we celebrate Attraction!

© 2017 BethTerry.com — Life goes on within you and without you

Today our minds are on Attraction and Love. Engagement ring companies, Florists, restaurants and candy companies are having a field day. You hear many things at the water cooler – “What do I give my Love on this auspicious day?” “Why doesn’t anyone love me?” “This is a big deal!” “This is a bogus holiday pushed by greeting card companies! Bah humbug!” “I love Valentine’s Day! Wheee!” “Oh, crap! It’s Valentines Day?!” “I’m gonna ask her to marry me today! Yikes!” “Well, another stupid holiday!”

I don’t believe in the “Law of Attraction.” If there is one, a lot of people are breaking the law! There’s no rhyme or reason why we’re attracted to anyone. If you ask, most people can’t tell you why. Sure, armchair psychologists will attribute it to daddy or mommy or some 3rd grade teacher. But who knows, really? Will that couple make the long haul? The ones we think won’t make it seem to last forever and the “perfect couple” break up in a few years! Why? Who knows? And the world goes on, day in and day out, whether or not you’ve found THE ONE.

There’s no accountin’ for taste! Love makes no sense!

My friends in college made no sense to me. Let’s call them Jack & Jill. He was a burly construction worker with a mouth on him. Partied hard with hard-drinkin’ friends who never got the memo on minor things like hygiene and manners. She was a beauty. A southern belle with manners. You know her, the one with her pinky finger extended while drinking mint julep. She was operas and the local playhouse. He was Pink Floyd and the local bar.

When they met we all rolled our eyes. Bets were taken on how long “this” will last. We’d go to their house for BBQ and he’d entertain his friends in his man-cave garage, hard rock blaring. We’d be in her finely appointed living room with concertos playing on the stereo. Never gonna last. Right? Well, I just read that Jill lost her knight in rusty armor. They were together 45 years till he died of lung cancer. The photos showed a finely appointed southern belle in a black hat and veil standing by her lifetime Love as they lowered him into the ground. You just never know. Love makes no sense.

So – enjoy your day. Love someone. Go to the Animal Shelter and love a rescue pup. If you don’t have someone, go to the homeless shelter and help serve meals. Get hold of your friends with kids who could use a night out with their sweetheart and offer to babysit. I’ve spent years with no one, and years with someone who was there but not there. I’ve had times of being loved deeply and profoundly. Life offers us the entire constellation of possibilities when it comes to Attraction. Do we bring it on – maybe. Do we ignore it sometimes or miss it entirely? Absolutely.

Life is not a straight line. What you have today, you may not have tomorrow. Enjoy where you are, how you are, why you are, and who you are. And no matter what, Have a Happy Celebration of Love Day!

Welcome Love into your Life Today,

© 1998-2017 Beth Terry • All Rights Reserved

How to have a Happier New Year

Posted on December 31, 2016 by Beth Terry — No Comments ↓

Happy New Year!

Are you a diamond in the rough? Is life a little wonky right now? I wrote this column in my other blog way back in 2009 and it came to mind again. I overheard my Dad counseling someone who had lost his job: Diamond in the Rubble

I’ll add my own two cents to this — it’s my surefire way to move beyond all the stuff that’s making you nutso ~~~

The best way to have a Happier New Year is to look at your past few years objectively without beating yourself up. Take these quick steps:

Write down briefly what happened.
Think about how you may have participated in making things harder for yourself. Accountability & Responsibility are wonderful antidotes to stress and guilt. Just own it and move on.
Ask yourself what you would do differently if you could. This gives you ideas for a new blueprint.
Think about how you can change, modify, alter some of your behaviors and choices for the future. These are what we usually call “Resolutions.”
Take a deep breath and forgive yourself for past choices and choose now to make better ones. If you want to be dramatic, take a pen and cross off all the dumb choices you made. Then take that list out to your BBQ and set it on fire… or put it in the shredder as a symbolic way to dump the trash and get ready for a NEW and shinier year.

This is a simple process. It works. I do it every year on the night before my birthday and the evening before the New Year. I usually write item #1 on a separate piece of paper. The ideas for change – my resolutions – are on a new piece of paper that I can keep and post somewhere in my office.

The most important efforts in the above list are the ones that involve taking responsibility for our own mess and forgiving ourselves. Everybody messes up. Learning from it is the real gift. Dumping all the guilt and trash from it is a secondary and important gift as well.

This has been a rough year in many ways. It seems the whole country is at each others throats. Relax. Be willing to listen to each other. Have conversations instead of yelling and hurling epithets. We all see the world from our own unique perspective. Maybe the person you are mad at has a perspective you haven’t thought of. None of us has a corner on the truth. And, really, ignore politicians, celebrities and lobbyists with a bone to pick. Remember, they are all getting paid to say the things they say. You are better than that. Think for yourself and resolve to have a happier new year.

You can do this.

I’m hangin’ right in there with you.

Happy New Year! Happy New You.

Be safe,

© 1998-2016 Beth Terry • All Rights Reserved

Letting Go

Posted on September 6, 2015 by Beth Terry — No Comments ↓

Saying Goodbye

Rainbow Seattle — Letting Go is Not the end of the world, Just the end of this Rainbow

Why do we insist on holding on to things that no longer work for us? We’ve all seen it with our friends and we’ve all done it. We mourn lost relationships as if they are the only relationship we will ever have in our lifetime. Sometimes people come along to help us with some aspect of our lives. Maybe we needed to learn to be loved. Maybe we needed to learn to be independent. Or we needed to understand finance, family, love, friendship, or even letting go.

Each of us has a responsibility to ourselves to become the best version of ourselves we can be. That sometimes means moving on when we want to hold on. Yes – there are times to fight for a friendship or a relationship. Only you know. Just don’t hold on so long that you hurt yourself and miss the person who has been waiting in the wings for you to be ready for them.

It’s your life. Make some healthy decisions for your now and for your future.

Cheers,

© 2015 Beth Terry • All Rights Reserved

Secret to Successful Relationships

Posted on August 21, 2015 by Beth Terry — No Comments ↓

Secret to Successful Relationships

work with people where they are — Work with people where they areWork with people where they are, not where you want them to be.

As I struggled to learn how to be a manager, mom, girlfriend and then wife, Dad gave me this advice: the secret to successful relationships is to stop trying to make people live up to your idea of who they are. Try this: be with them in their current state. Start where they are instead of trying to take them on a journey made up of your own goals.

Try this old trick —

Write your name as fast as you can three times.

Now switch hands and write your name as fast as you can three times with that hand.

Notice that your handwriting looks like a Doctor’s Prescription? Why is that? It’s because it is natural and normal for you to use your dominant hand. I just asked you to do something that is not natural and normal for you. Your brain is hardwired to use one hand. Notice how you felt when you were trying to write. If it was easy for you, then you have a different talent than most. Most people aren’t ambidextrous. I’ve seen people stick their tongues out trying to write with their non-dominant hand when I do this exercise. I write backwards when I try it!

So here I was trying to change how you write and you couldn’t do it. If you can’t even write with a different hand, how do you expect other people to change a lifetime of habits and thoughts just because you said they should?

People aren’t going to change because it’s convenient for you. They will change when they are damn good and ready to change. You may be able to assist them if they are ready. But only when they are ready. Meanwhile, if you love them the way they are and work from that point, they may give you the same courtesy and accept you the way you are. It’s all give and take.

Cheers,

The Real Secret of Success

Posted on August 21, 2015 by Beth Terry — No Comments ↓

Market yourself to yourself…

The Real Secret of Success is to Market Yourself to Yourself

The secret of success is to remember that you matter. When you believe in yourself you are far more marketable and authentic.

If you don’t believe in yourself, then who will? How will you get up in the morning and motivate yourself to get out and fulfill your dreams and your potential? It’s easy to forget that we can positively impact the lives of others. It’s easy to get so wound up in our own troubles and our own mental myths that we don’t understand that we are missed and our smile is needed out in the world. Get up tomorrow morning and resolve to share a little more of yourself with the people who love you.

Notice how you react when you talk with someone who just doesn’t feel authentic. You aren’t motivated to work with them, are you? What your subconscious mind is telling you is that they don’t believe in themselves. If they don’t, why should you? Work on this within yourself and see your successes soar.

Cheers,

Ten Paradoxical Commandments: Anyway

Posted on August 21, 2015 by Beth Terry — No Comments ↓

Anyway, by Kent Keith

10 Commandments Kent Keith, Anyway — Anyway

Ten Paradoxical Commandments

Many years ago I received a wonderful little book by Dr. Kent Keith from our local university, Chaminade in Honolulu, Hawaii. I loved his advice, first given in a speech, in which he basically said, people and situations can be really screwed up. Oh Well! Love them anyway. Don’t give up. Keep on loving, giving, growing and becoming yourself.

Dr. Keith says he was pleased to see someone had sent Mother Teresa his speech, and was even more pleased that she used it in her ministry with the poor. She had it on her wall on a poster named “Anyway.” Someone saw Mother Teresa use these commandments and decided she was the originator of them. She wasn’t, but she did a wonderful service by encouraging the spread of this wonderful advice. You can find a powerful video by Martina McBride with this theme: Martina McBride – Anyway

Enjoy,

Cheers,