He held my hand
All the way to the Kindergarten door
kissed my nose
and he set me free.
He guided the pink-bedazzled bike
down the driveway,
sent me sailing alone
and he set me free.
He put my feet on his
in that nursery waiting room.
We waltzed, waiting for brother
and he set me free
He hugged me when my first date knocked,
Said, “If I didn’t teach you
anything by now, it’s too late.”
And he set me free.
He drove me to the coast
that rainy September morn.
He hugged me in front of the dorm,
and he set me free.
He walked me down the flower-decked aisle
on a lovely June morning,
kissed my veiled forehead
and he set me free.
∞ ∞ ∞
I kissed his forehead
one last time
as he lay dying
in the burn center.
And I set him free.
∞ ∞ ∞
Fatherhood is a lifetime of setting your kids free. And some day, we have to do the same for them.
Happy Fathers Day to all the Dad’s, Stepdads, Foster Dads, Grandpas, and Big Brother-Dad Stand-ins! We love you and we appreciate your quiet, loving and watchful eyes. Not all of us were lucky enough to have a Dad like mine. Thank you to those men who took the place of the fathers who weren’t there.
Flowers Bloom in harsh circumstances; you can, too.
A young man was explaining to me why his life sucked. He told me he couldn’t succeed until he had “enough.” That’s a relative term. What is ENOUGH? And why aren’t you enough? It sounded like an excuse to me.
The real question? Are you grateful for – and using all the resources you already have? Or are you waiting for more to appear before you move forward with your dreams? What are you willing to do to find the “more” that you believe you need? How about starting with gratitude? When you live in gratitude and recognize what you have, then you can stop wistfully looking at others’ successes and start working on your own.
I recently spoke with a woman whose husband built a multi-million dollar business from scratch.
She told me, “I always thought when we finally made it that I wouldn’t worry anymore. But there’s never enough. We may have more zeroes in our checking account than you do, but our stack of bills has more zeroes as well!”
That’s a powerful concept I never forgot. When looking at others from the outside, we make up stories about their lives. Most of the time we’re wrong, and comparing ourselves to a false assumption is dangerous. Where do we get these silly notions that other people’s so-called good fortune is “NOT FAIR?”
Is it good fortune or was it the result of dedication and hard work? What is “Fair?” My brother has worked tirelessly for 8 years, EIGHT YEARS, on an invention that may soon make it to market in a big way. I know he has worked 14-18 hours a day, seven days a week, month in and month out for almost 100 months. I know how dedicated and committed he is. I know the sacrifices he and his family have made. Yet there will be people who will be jealous when he finally has what they consider to be more than his “fair” share. But these people aren’t willing to put in the time, effort and money it takes to see a dream to fruition.
What are you willing to do with the gifts you were given? How many hours will you dedicate to an idea or a concept that may make the world better? What are you willing to risk to see it through to the end? How much time is enough to dedicate to successful deployment of this gift, this skill, this concept? Will you give up and whine that “it’s not FAAAAAAIIIIIIIRRRRR!” when you don’t become an overnight millionaire?
Simple Truth: the majority of people who have what you consider to be “enough” were the people who stayed up late and got up early; the people who read and researched; the people who kept at it until the puzzle could be solved. They weren’t sitting on the couch playing video games and watching reruns of Friends, wistfully wishing they could be rich, white 20-somethings living in a rent-controlled apartment in NYC in the 90’s. (Note to those who dream like that… there were very few, if any, people living like that in the 90’s. It’s a TV SHOW, not reality.)
What is Enough to you? What is enough ambition; enough ideas; enough time; enough money; enough inspiration; enough roof over your head and a full belly? We all get the same 24 hours in a day. How will you use yours?
TL;DR
Harsh circumstances don’t need to stop you from your goals.
Take Risks. Put in the time it takes. Do the work.
Be grateful for what you have and don’t have. (PS – you have enough.)
Pay attention to ideas and thoughts that flit through your brain and use them in a wise way to make the world better because you were born.
Thanks for listening.
Take care of yourself, we need you!
PS – Don’t forget to read my article in Metiza Magazine for teenage girls – Choose Love
PSS – aren’t those flowers beautiful? That’s the sage and Mexican Bird of Paradise in my front yard… in the desert no less!
PSSS – TL;DR means “Too Long, Didn’t Read” – so I put a recap there for people with short attention spans. You’re welcome.
Does your Past interfere with your Present and your Plans for the Future? Knock it off!
Losing our Future in our Past
I spoke at an event for abused kids. Most of them were pre-teens, and most had been through some therapy after being lifted out of a bad situation. One girl was stoic. She didn’t react to anything and didn’t show any emotion for the first hour.
At one point, I surprised myself and blurted, “Look. That bad person may have stolen your past. Don’t let him steal today and for sure don’t let him steal all your tomorrows.”
That was the bolt of lightning this girl needed. She let out a shriek and slumped in her chair sobbing. I was new to speaking and didn’t know what to do. As I helplessly moved towards her to comfort her, one of the therapists signaled she would step in. Another woman came up and hugged me with tears in her eyes, “Thank you, thank you, thank you. We haven’t been able to get through to her since she came to us over a year ago. Her abuse started very young.”
I learned more from that little girl and that moment of inspiration than I have in all my decades on stage. That sentence wasn’t in my speech, and until I arrived, I wasn’t sure what the message was supposed to be. I had written a rather weak, “We are here for you…” type speech, but wasn’t prepared for the emotional wreckage I would encounter. I believe that statement was dropped into my brain at exactly the right moment, and I know that little girl needed to hear that message.
Don’t let mistakes and bad situations from your past steal your Today and all your Tomorrows.
This is a lesson for all of us, no matter our circumstances. Don’t let mistakes and bad situations from the past steal your Today and all your Tomorrows. Too many of us drag around bags full of knives from our ancient hurts. When we decide to wallow in self-pity, we pull out some knives and stab ourselves in the heart again and again. Or, we’ll call up a few friends and talk to them at great length about those knives we are using to destroy a perfectly lovely afternoon.
Stop. Put the knives away. Put down the heavy blanket of the past. Realize the only things you need to carry forward are the lessons and the blessings. Forgive yourself for any mistakes you made. Make amends if you can. If you can’t, silently forgive the other person who caused you harm. (Yes, you can do that! Read this…) You learned something, you got wiser, you don’t make the same mistakes now (hopefully!) and you are a better – or more compassionate – or less naive – person for having gone through it.
Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Keep paying attention to your blessings TODAY. Keep learning and keep forgiving yourself and others. It’s the only way to stay sane!
Have a wonderful April.
And thanks to all my readers and clients who sent me birthday wishes! It was a grand day! Life is good!
Blessings,
Take care of yourself, we need you!
PS – Don’t forget to read my article in Metiza Magazine for teenage girls – Choose Love
Plant what you want to see growing in your garden and in your Life!
“Why are you surprised at the way your life is today? Did you think you could plant self-pity and blame and harvest happiness?”My grandmother said that to me one day when I was a teenager. I was huffing and puffing and rolling my eyes, adopting the universal 15-year-old-girl stance. “Life is sooooo unfair!” [whine] “Why do I have to [take out the trash, do homework, stay home tonight, help with dinner]!?”
I suppose we could cut our little princes and princesses some slack. Our teens are being mugged by their hormones. They are ill-equipped to figure out how to handle the mood swings and emotions that flip them in and out of happiness and despair, sometimes within the span of two paragraphs. But, such is the job of the grownups: teach them how to navigate this crazy and very unfair world. My mother’s usual refrain when I wandered into self pity was, “No one ever said the world was fair! Only that it is ROUND!” In other words, babe, Deal With it!
This behavior is expected in teenagers. It’s a lot harder to handle when it’s a co-worker, boss, neighbor, friend or sweetheart. It’s not all that easy to send a co-worker to a Time Out, though I have been tempted.
As we age, we realize that our lives are a compilation of every choice we have made, and every thought we have planted. Not all of our fellow grownups have figured this out yet!
So what do you do? Easy – leave them alone and work on yourself. I’ve heard it said that we sometimes choose friends based on the the flaw we need to work on in ourselves. If every friend of ours has the same flaw, we may need to check in the mirror to see why we are attracting or seeking that. But here’s the REAL truth, and understanding this helped me heal some old wounds:
Everyone has something absolutely amazing they can use to make the world better because they were born. And every one of us also has something flawed that we need to face and work on. This applies to celebrities, your family, your best friends, and… YOU.
Think of it this way: we are all a work-in-progress, and we all can make changes by planting different kinds of thoughts in our brains. Knowing that makes it easier to work on ourselves and not get worked up about someone else who ‘drives us nutso!’
You’re born.
You die.
That space in between is up to you. Plant something special and meaningful. Pull out the weeds that have cluttered your heart and your brain and toss them in the trash. You’re worth more than you think. You may not make a huge difference in the world. But you do make a difference to some people and they need you as much as you need them.
What happens to your social media accounts when you die?
SEE UPDATE BELOW
Social Media tracks are left behind when we go
I wrote yesterday about my good friend and colleague Ted Rogers who passed away. In searching for his photo to include in the blog, I realized his website was still up. Curiosity got to me and I looked up several of my other professional colleagues who had passed on. Surprisingly, several of my late colleagues are still in “active” status on these social media sites.
So here’s a question: Do you have someone in your life who will take care of your social media sites, your website and any store or products you have when you pass away? Do your loved ones even know what sites you have? How to access them? Are there clients or people in your life that need to be contacted when you’re gone? Is there a contact list somewhere that is easily retrievable for your Executor or family?
Some of my more famous speaking colleagues had huge staff that took care of their social media accounts and have successfully continued to market their worthy content and products long after they left the planet. Most of us don’t have that luxury.
Perhaps it’s time to make a list of all the above and put it in a safe place for those who need to look after your affairs when you’re gone.
Here’s a handy social media checklist:
checklist
User Id’s and passwords for Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, Pinterest, Instagram, and any other social media
User Id’s and passwords for any chatrooms
List of email addresses, user Id’s and passwords
Passwords to all retail sites: Amazon, ebay, store sites, purchasing sites like paypal
URL’s and Log On information for all your blogs and websites
Any gaming or special sites you belong to
List of clients, contracts, contact information and relationships with you
Write in and add to the list…
This, of course, is in addition to information on your bank accounts, medical accounts, professional service providers and any rental or mortgage accounts you may have. Many people think of the financial checklist, and they forget about their social media presence.
Protect your family and friends from all the downsides of being contacted by people who don’t know you’ve passed on long after you’ve left. Hopefully they will miss you when you are gone. Don’t make it too hard on them to figure out your online life story. It’s just the right thing to do.
Ted Rogers was an inspiration to us all. RIP 2-7-16
My friend died yesterday, on the last day of the Year of the Sheep. Ted Rogers was 6’8” and a tower of inspiration and uniqueness. Having lunch with Ted was an adventure. His “thing” as a speaker was to get us all to eat healthier.
So, here’s how lunch would go: Those of us with Ted would dutifully pore over the menu looking for something that sounded palatable or good. Not Ted. He didn’t look at menus. The waitress would come to our table and he would say, “Do me a favor…”Those were Ted’s favorite words. “Do me a favor. I would love to have a piece of fish grilled, not fried; with a side of brown rice and a salad made of greens, not iceberg lettuce. Can you do that for me?” He would flash the waitress a charming smile and she would usually do as he asked.
Ted was so tall he looked like he was standing when he sat in a booth. His good looks and charm swayed even the toughest waitress. If she didn’t have what he wanted, he would patiently explain what his goal was and ask for her help in achieving that. And it worked! Great lessons for all of us to step outside the norm and think beyond what the menu said was available.
As I thought about him today, I realized his trademark sentence should be his epitaph, “Do me a favor…” As in, “Lord, do me a favor. Watch over my loved ones while I come hang out with you…” or for those left behind, “Do me a favor… don’t waste too many precious moments mourning me. Live your life and do the things I might do if I had more time.”
This train of thought led to thinking about the others I know and love. My sweetheart’s favorite line is, “That’s it!” I told him I would put that on his tombstone if I outlive him. Anyone who knows him would smile fondly when they read that epitaph. I think mine would probably be, “It could have been worse…” Apparently I say that so often that my little Chaude wrote a book about it when she was in the 3rd grade. The adventures included me getting lost in a desert and being pursued by a dragon. “But, Aunty Beth said, ‘Well, it coulda been worse!'”
What would your epitaph be? What do you say all the time? How will your friends and loved ones remember you? If you don’t like the phrase you are known for saying all the time, come up with a new one! Think about it; write it down, then live into it… Write to me and let me know! I’d love to hear your stories.
Ted inspired everyone who knew him. I wish for you the same: that when you pass on, people will remember you fondly and tell their funny and heartfelt stories about you and how you impacted them.
What we Believe in affects our success or failure in life
Belief defines us and gives us direction. It can help us or hinder us. If we believe we have possibility, we will move in that direction. If we believe we have no choice, we’ll be stuck.
We can change our lives by paying attention to our Belief System. It’s not that we can magically “decide” that we are Superman or Batman and fly through the air. It’s that when we believe something’s possible, we energize every cell in our bodies to do what’s necessary to increase the chances of making it come true. We see things we ignored before, we allow ourselves to take risks that will help make it happen, and we make choices that aid in the achievement of the goal.
Conversely, if we live in fear because we believe everything is bad and wrong, we shut down. We close our minds and bodies to experiencing innovation, creative problem solving, possibility, and… most importantly, happiness.
A few years ago, Pharrell put a video together called Happy! This one video has 794 MILLION views. Thousands of other YouTubers have copied it and have several million more hits on their sites. If you need a pick me up, click on that Happy link and see if it doesn’t improve your mood for the day. Even on a bad day, with clouds looming on the horizon and stress hovering around me, this song lifts me up. Thanks Pharrell!
Here’s another hint to feel better: sit up straight, put your shoulders back, take a deep breath and smile big. Something interesting happens. It’s as if you just sent a telegram to every cell in your body that things are going to be OK. This isn’t magical thinking, it’s supported by some very interesting science from cell biologist Bruce Lipton. In his book, The Biology of Belief, he says your cells like you. They want you to continue to operate and function so they can survive, too. As silly as it may sound, sometimes the act of believing you will survive, or you will be happy again someday, and a solution is on the horizon, is all it takes to get your cells (your internal army) moving in the right direction towards health and happiness.
“… In all of its elegance, nature employs very simple operating principles…You may consider yourself an individual, but as a cell biologist, I can tell you that you are in truth a cooperative community of approximately fifty trillion single-celled citizens. Almost all of the cells that make up your body are amoeba-like, individual organisms that have evolved a cooperative strategy for their mutual survival.” (and this means YOUR survival as well…)
Bottom line? Pay attention when you’re feeling down. What Belief is getting in your way? What can you do to either solve the situation – or change your belief to move in a more positive direction? We all win when you get that figured out! Take care of yourself, we need you and we need you healthy!
On New Years Day we are reminded we CAN begin again
New Years Day: That magical day when we begin again.
New Years Day is a funny thing. In reality, it’s just another day. You went to sleep last night (or in the wee early hours of this morning) and you woke up again. You will gather with family today, or un-decorate the house. Some of you are at work. Some are spending the day getting over a hangover. But it’s still just another 24-hour period of time that you have the freedom to do what you choose to do.
So, what makes it so different in our minds? We humans need demarcations: birthdays, anniversaries, year endings and beginnings. It helps us keep track of time. As I posted in another blog, one of my brand new stepkids once asked me on Christmas morning, “How many Christmases have you had?” (Yeah, smart kid. She was guessing my age!) I told her, and she thoughtfully asked, “Well, how many do you get?” Even at the ripe young age of five she was marking time.
So – it’s New Years Day. How will you mark this day? How will you begin again to be who you were called to be? What will you let go of from 2015?
Don’t just indulge yourself today in recovering from last night. Give yourself a gift today, the gift of reinventing your future.
Begin again. Write new goals that fit your dreams. Toss out what didn’t work. Reconnect with people you love. Renew friendships with people who have fallen away. Consider forgiving those who harmed you. Make a list of things that bother you, cross them off, take the list out to the hibachi and set them on fire. You deserve a fighting chance! Give it to yourself!
My Favorite Healthy Hot Tea for Cold Winter Months
Last winter when everyone in the house was coming down with colds, I looked in the fridge to see what ingredients I had on hand to make a healthy tea packed with Vitamin C, healthy minerals and, of course, Deliciousness. You can use fresh or dried ingredients. The fresher the better. Each of these ingredients has nutritional value and great taste (and tastes good enough to convince little kids to drink it!) I made up this recipe from what I had on hand. Make your own adjustments to fit your own tastes and available ingredients. Feel free to add more or less of each ingredient until you find the combination that fits you. I wait to add the honey just before serving it, which keeps the tea from being too sweet.
Use a reusable cloth tea bag (available at most cooking and tea stores) to gather all the ingredients in a nice neat package. You can slice the lemons and put them in the bottom of the pot if that’s easier than putting them in the bag. The tea bag keeps it from getting messy, so no straining is necessary. Each ingredient has a link to its nutritional values.
Place all these ingredients in the cloth tea bag and secure it tightly. If you prefer, the lemon slices can be left out of the bag and put in the bottom of the hot pot.
This kind of hot pot will keep the tea hot all night
Put the cloth bag and lemons into the hot pot and cover with boiling water. Let stand for anywhere from 20 minutes to 8 hours – if your hotpot is the kind that will keep it at near boiling temperature that long. (I make this the night before in my hotpot and have a refreshing cup of tea for breakfast.)
Serve with 1 tsp (or more) of fresh raw, organic Honey
ENJOY!
(PS – Don’t tell your kids, but this tea is a rich source of: calcium, magnesium, potassium, phosphorous, iron, zinc, copper, manganese, selenenium, Vitamins K, E, A & C, B6, B2, thiamin, choline, niacin, and pantothenic acid. More info in the links to each ingredient. Also, honey, in addition to making this drinkable, also has Vitamin C, Calcium and Iron. It also has anti-bacterial and anti-fungal properties. So it helps make this tea healthy as well. Just be sure you get the good stuff. Some “honey” in the stores is made up of a lot of corn syrup and other masking ingredients.)
Holiday Blessings,
Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa and Happy Festivus!
Pearl Harbor Flag flies above the Arizona Memorial in Hawaii
Living in Hawaii for 30 years gave me a different perspective on a lot of things. Pearl Harbor is no exception. So many people in the US forget about it, or, as one 20-something college student said to me, “Oh Pearl Harbor, that’s like a bombing or something that started a war, right?” Sigh.
I was dismayed back on 9/11/01, while sitting in my Hawaii living room to hear a mainstream media news anchor declare that “The 9/11 attack was the first-ever attack on American soil!” Really?
We forget history at our peril.
It’s fitting that a 74-year anniversary ceremony is being held today at the Arizona Memorial. I have met several of the survivors and their stories* still send chills down my spine.
We recently visited the Arizona Memorial again. It is a solemn and important monument that should be on everyone’s bucket list. There were Japanese from the Hiroshima area in our tour group, and they were not only very polite and respectful, one of them apologized to me for Pearl Harbor. I accepted her apology and then apologized for Hiroshima. We gave each other a little hug and went on our way.
Today is a good day to reflect upon and remember the ramifications of war for both sides.
Thank you to all of the Veterans who volunteer at the Memorial and keep the memories alive. May God Bless those survivors and their families on all sides of WWII, and on all sides of every conflict today.
* Be sure and watch all the stories on youtube attached to the ones I linked you to. It’s a sobering front row to history.
