Tag Archives: teenagers

Do they listen? Do they hear you?

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Teenage hummingbirds don't listen to mmom
Even in nature Teenagers don’t listen to their moms!

Whether you are a high schooler talking a suicidal friend down from the ledge, or a teacher, parent, or trainer, you want to be heard. You want them to listen to you and act on it.

Is anyone listening? Do they hear me? We often wonder. We say a lot of things. Counselors, parents, and trainers prepare our remarks with the hope these gems falling from our lips will make a positive or life-changing impact on the listeners. We don’t know if we’re heard, even if they nod in agreement. Did our words hit home?

Confirmation they heard comes in little gifts here and there

Early in my career I had a wonderful confirmation that has motivated me on my lowest days. I retell it to encourage all of the above people to say your piece and let God do the rest. Memory is an amazing thing. “When the student is ready, the teacher shows up.”

I had started my new speaking business on a shoestring after being an administrator for years. When a mentor asked me what I would do if money were no object, I answered without hesitation: “Start a Training Business!” He told me to “go and claim your inheritance, Beth. Claim the gifts you’ve been given and do this.”

So I did. I was fortunate to have many clients immediately. I’d been in Hawaii for a couple of decades and knew a lot of people. Still, being a 24/7 marketer had its challenges.

Listen and ye shall receive

On the way to church one Sunday morning I was yelling at God. “Please tell me if this is the right path for me! This is TOOOOOO HARD! I need a sign!”

I sat through the sermon and… nothin’. Then I listened to the readings and the songs – nothin’. I was standing outside with friends for coffee hour when a young woman I didn’t recognize approached me. “Are you Beth Terry?” Me: “Ummm, yes?” Not sure what she wanted.

“I want to thank you for saving my life.” A little taken aback I asked her how I had done that.

“Do you remember about 8 years ago when you gave a talk at Central Intermediate?”

“Yes. Yes, I do.”

“Remember you were there to teach all those kids how to interview for jobs?”

“Right. That was fun.”

“Well, you may remember there was a Goth girl standing at the back of the room rolling her eyes and shaking her head at all your great advice?’

“Oh, right! Yes, I remember her!” Visions of a girl with a bad attitude in dark eye liner, a pitbull necklace, black fingernails and head-to-toe black clothing popped into my head.

“That was me.”

“Wow. Good job recovering,” I said to the very polished young lady standing in front of me. “So, how did I save your life?”

She heard me – when she needed to

“About 3 years ago, I was sitting on my lanai with a razor blade to my wrist. Suddenly I heard your voice in my head. I put down the razor, went inside and washed all the Goth off, got dressed and went downtown to look for a job. I got hired!”

Me, trying not to tear up, “Wow. Congratulations! What on earth did I say?”

“You ended your speech to us by saying, ‘Everybody has something good about them and something they need to work on. Expand the good and work on the stuff that needs it. Then go out into the world and make it better because you were born.”

Tears flowed down my face as I hugged her. “That’s pretty good. Sounds like something I say all the time. I’m so happy you heard it!”

“Well I only heard it when I needed it…”

This isn’t about you

And that, my friends, is why you should never worry if it doesn’t appear you were heard. Even if they don’t act on it, when their brains listen, it gets recorded somewhere. People hear things when they are ready, not necessarily when you say them. The brain is an amazing instrument. It has the capacity to store things for later. So keep giving your messages of hope and encouragement. Some day they will hear you. And remember, you are the messenger. It’s not about you. It’s about them. They will hear you when they need to.

Now, get out in the world and make it better because you were born!

Blessings,

Beth

 

 

More tips on how to communicate clearly

@2019 Beth Terry, BethTerry.com, Beth Terry Events

PS – I have room for Two more coaching clients for my one-on-one Public Speaker Coaching. Email me! You’ll be glad you did!

You Get What You Plant

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Do you plant happiness in your Life Garden?

Plant what you want to grow, Beth Terry @EverybodysLost.com
Plant what you want to see growing in your garden and in your Life!

“Why are you surprised at the way your life is today? Did you think you could plant self-pity and blame and harvest happiness?” My grandmother said that to me one day when I was a teenager. I was huffing and puffing and rolling my eyes, adopting the universal 15-year-old-girl stance. “Life is sooooo unfair!” [whine] “Why do I have to [take out the trash, do homework, stay home tonight, help with dinner]!?”

I suppose we could cut our little princes and princesses some slack. Our teens are being mugged by their hormones. They are ill-equipped to figure out how to handle the mood swings and emotions that flip them in and out of happiness and despair, sometimes within the span of two paragraphs. But, such is the job of the grownups: teach them how to navigate this crazy and very unfair world. My mother’s usual refrain when I wandered into self pity was, “No one ever said the world was fair! Only that it is ROUND!” In other words, babe, Deal With it!

This behavior is expected in teenagers. It’s a lot harder to handle when it’s a co-worker, boss, neighbor, friend or sweetheart. It’s not all that easy to send a co-worker to a Time Out, though I have been tempted.

As we age, we realize that our lives are a compilation of every choice we have made, and every thought we have planted. Not all of our fellow grownups have figured this out yet!

So what do you do? Easy – leave them alone and work on yourself. I’ve heard it said that we sometimes choose friends based on the the flaw we need to work on in ourselves. If every friend of ours has the same flaw, we may need to check in the mirror to see why we are attracting or seeking that. But here’s the REAL truth, and understanding this helped me heal some old wounds:

Everyone has something absolutely amazing they can use to make the world better because they were born. And every one of us also has something flawed that we need to face and work on. This applies to celebrities, your family, your best friends, and… YOU.

Think of it this way: we are all a work-in-progress, and we all can make changes by planting different kinds of thoughts in our brains. Knowing that makes it easier to work on ourselves and not get worked up about someone else who ‘drives us nutso!’

You’re born.

You die.

That space in between is up to you. Plant something special and meaningful. Pull out the weeds that have cluttered your heart and your brain and toss them in the trash. You’re worth more than you think. You may not make a huge difference in the world. But you do make a difference to some people and they need you as much as you need them.

Blessings,

Take care of yourself, we need you!

Beth Terry

© 2016 Beth Terry • All Rights Reserved

You Get What You Plant

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Do you plant happiness in your Life Garden?

Plant what you want to grow, Beth Terry @EverybodysLost.com
Plant what you want to see growing in your garden and in your Life!

“Why are you surprised at the way your life is today? Did you think you could plant self-pity and blame and harvest happiness?” My grandmother said that to me one day when I was a teenager. I was huffing and puffing and rolling my eyes, adopting the universal 15-year-old-girl stance. “Life is sooooo unfair!” [whine] “Why do I have to [take out the trash, do homework, stay home tonight, help with dinner]!?”

I suppose we could cut our little princes and princesses some slack. Our teens are being mugged by their hormones. They are ill-equipped to figure out how to handle the mood swings and emotions that flip them in and out of happiness and despair, sometimes within the span of two paragraphs. But, such is the job of the grownups: teach them how to navigate this crazy and very unfair world. My mother’s usual refrain when I wandered into self pity was, “No one ever said the world was fair! Only that it is ROUND!” In other words, babe, Deal With it!

This behavior is expected in teenagers. It’s a lot harder to handle when it’s a co-worker, boss, neighbor, friend or sweetheart. It’s not all that easy to send a co-worker to a Time Out, though I have been tempted.

As we age, we realize that our lives are a compilation of every choice we have made, and every thought we have planted. Not all of our fellow grownups have figured this out yet!

So what do you do? Easy – leave them alone and work on yourself. I’ve heard it said that we sometimes choose friends based on the the flaw we need to work on in ourselves. If every friend of ours has the same flaw, we may need to check in the mirror to see why we are attracting or seeking that. But here’s the REAL truth, and understanding this helped me heal some old wounds:

Everyone has something absolutely amazing they can use to make the world better because they were born. And every one of us also has something flawed that we need to face and work on. This applies to celebrities, your family, your best friends, and… YOU.

Think of it this way: we are all a work-in-progress, and we all can make changes by planting different kinds of thoughts in our brains. Knowing that makes it easier to work on ourselves and not get worked up about someone else who ‘drives us nutso!’

You’re born.

You die.

That space in between is up to you. Plant something special and meaningful. Pull out the weeds that have cluttered your heart and your brain and toss them in the trash. You’re worth more than you think. You may not make a huge difference in the world. But you do make a difference to some people and they need you as much as you need them.

Blessings,

Take care of yourself, we need you!

Beth Terry

© 2016 Beth Terry • All Rights Reserved

Someday Comes Very Fast

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Suddenly you’re lumped into “elderly”

© 2014 Beth Terry, Everybodys Lost photo of grandmas
Grandmas Watch the wedding of two millenials (Mom on Left)

Loneliness in the elderly is a growing concern. Most of us think we will be elderly “Someday” but don’t realize how close that is exactly. I’d bet there’s someone living in your building or on your block that matches the woman in this Documentary by James Darby about the life of a 98 year old woman.

Our culture has made much of “feminism” and freedom for women – many women who were homemakers during the 60’s were the first to be “free to live on their own and do their own thing.” Don’t get me wrong, I’m an independent woman and I love my freedom to choose my career and make my own life choices. As someone from the 60’s I fought for equality for all. But legal equality doesn’t guarantee equal results.

Legal equality doesn’t guarantee equal results

This video shows the double edged sword of a cultural change and philosophy that left out some important pieces to the puzzle. When the family began to fall apart, most people advocating for this lifestyle didn’t think very far into the future. This woman in the video was probably on the forefront of that sea change in the way the family was organized. Her mother probably lived with the family until she died. Nuclear families were the norm until the 60’s.

Too many women, especially in the WW2 generation, were ill prepared and poorly trained in things like investments and late life planning to know what to do about their lives past retirement or post-death of a spouse. What kills me is that the children, grandchildren and great grandchildren of this woman are probably on Facebook or Pinterest 10 hours a day making thousands of “friends” instead of accessing a wonderful resource through grandma.

  • What’s her story?
  • What did she see in her life in those amazing years since 1917? She’s a walking history book!
  • What are her beliefs? Where did she get them?
  • What accomplishments does she have in her past?
  • What mistakes did she make that would be wonderful lessons for today’s Millenials?

I love the programs where they pair a teenager with someone like her. Even for an hour a day it would make a huge difference in the lives of both people. The teen could help with physical things as simple as washing the dishes, and this woman’s life experience could enrich that teenager’s life forever. I would love to see some high school take up a project of recording the memories of their 80 and 90 year olds in their communities.

My mom is 93 and still looks purty good as you can see in the photo above! (Yay for my genes!) She still works in the garden, she goes down to the historical society and volunteers, and she belongs to a church. Mom says she’s blessed, too. And like the woman in the video she doesn’t want to move, she’s been in her home for decades. It’s familiar and with her sight failing, familiar is a good thing.

Beyond connecting with older relatives and neighbors, we Boomers sneaking up on retirement should think about downsizing and creating “living compounds” while we are still ambulatory and have full use of all our senses.

It’s true that we don’t age much in our self-assessments (and I didn’t realize it till the gray started sneaking into my hair!)  When someone asks, “How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?” My answer is 42. What’s yours?  Are you shocked by the face that greets you in your mirror?  Days go by, the minutes pass, choices and decisions are made, and suddenly a much older face stares back at you…

What do you do?

Find your older neighbors and make an effort to bring them a little sunshine from time to time

If you are getting older, “Someday” comes up real fast, so take some time to plan for your life 10-20-30 years from now. There are a lot of people who do investment counseling for a living! Find them!

Learn to dance, take up a hobby, plant a garden, get a low-maintenance pet, go for walks, meet your neighbors, be involved with your family, love people and forgive them. All that will go a long way to mitigating the loneliness that comes with getting older.

In other words – take some responsibility for making your “golden years” as golden as possible. If you are 55, you have around 13,000 days before you celebrate your 90th birthday. How will you use them?

Have a wonderful November!

Beth Terry

© 2015 Beth Terry • All Rights Reserved