Beth Terry, CSP

Becoming an Adult, pt 2

Posted on October 19, 2017 by Beth Terry — 1 Comment ↓

Becoming an Adult is not for sissies

Adulting, Beth Terry, 2017 — Picture is unrelated to Adulting, but it got your attention! Yes?

Yesterday we started our conversation about becoming an adult, or what Millenials call Adulting…

Who You Hang Out With Matters

Choose your friends wisely. You become who you hang out with. When you were a kid, you did the ‘celery in colored water’ experiment. If you placed cut celery into blue water, the celery turned blue. Our minds and hearts are like that celery. Without knowing, we absorb into ourselves the beliefs and ideas of those around us. Pay attention and be mindful of what you are absorbing. There are many people who do not have your best interests at heart. Be wise enough to recognize them and surround yourself with people who do. “Adulting” means taking responsibility for your surroundings.

Hold onto good friends! When you find friends you love and trust, do what you can to stay in touch! Too many times we let good friendships die from inactivity or lost communications. As a woman now in my 60’s I can count many times when I needed my girlfriends, and was so grateful I had kept them in my life. One of my best friends is a woman I met when we were awkward 13 year-olds complete with braces, gangly limbs, angst-filled poetry and crushes on all the wrong boys. We’ve seen each other through many of life’s hard times and great adventures. Adulting is hard if you try and go it alone.

Your Integrity and Your Soul are more important than Money. Care for your soul. Work to keep your integrity and ethics intact. It can be challenging in a money-oriented world. You will be tempted. Focus on the long game. Focus on your bigger vision. Keep your eyes on your higher purpose and on your future. Adulting means not selling your soul for things or status – both of these will fade in time. Hold on to those things that no one can take away.

Adulting means becoming an Individual

Remember who you are. You are a unique person with tremendous gifts to share with a world who needs you. Don’t forget that truth in the race to be “one of the crowd.” That crowd you currently run with will be long gone in a few years. People you work with, classmates, neighbors, and that “popular guy” are all on their own journey. You will only keep a small number of those people in your life. Don’t make decisions today with only their opinions and needs in mind.

To be continued tomorrow… Adulting Pt 3

Start writing your own letter to your adult children. See you tomorrow…

Blessings,

Becoming an Adult, pt 2

Posted on October 19, 2017 by Beth Terry — 2 Comments ↓

Becoming an Adult is not for sissies

Yesterday we started our conversation about becoming an adult, or what Millenials call Adulting…

Who You Hang Out With Matters

Choose your friends wisely. You become who you hang out with. When you were a kid, you did the ‘celery in colored water’ experiment. If you placed cut celery into blue water, the celery turned blue. Our minds and hearts are like that celery. Without knowing, we absorb into ourselves the beliefs and ideas of those around us. Pay attention and be mindful of what you are absorbing. There are many people who do not have your best interests at heart. Be wise enough to recognize them and surround yourself with people who do. “Adulting” means taking responsibility for your surroundings.

Hold onto good friends! When you find friends you love and trust, do what you can to stay in touch! Too many times we let good friendships die from inactivity or lost communications. As a woman now in my 60’s I can count many times when I needed my girlfriends, and was so grateful I had kept them in my life. One of my best friends is a woman I met when we were awkward 13 year-olds complete with braces, gangly limbs, angst-filled poetry and crushes on all the wrong boys. We’ve seen each other through many of life’s hard times and great adventures. Adulting is hard if you try and go it alone.

Your Integrity and Your Soul are more important than Money. Care for your soul. Work to keep your integrity and ethics intact. It can be challenging in a money-oriented world. You will be tempted. Focus on the long game. Focus on your bigger vision. Keep your eyes on your higher purpose and on your future. Adulting means not selling your soul for things or status – both of these will fade in time. Hold on to those things that no one can take away.

Adulting means becoming an Individual

Remember who you are. You are a unique person with tremendous gifts to share with a world who needs you. Don’t forget that truth in the race to be “one of the crowd.” That crowd you currently run with will be long gone in a few years. People you work with, classmates, neighbors, and that “popular guy” are all on their own journey. You will only keep a small number of those people in your life. Don’t make decisions today with only their opinions and needs in mind.

To be continued tomorrow… Adulting Pt 3

Start writing your own letter to your adult children. See you tomorrow…

Blessings,

Becoming an Adult

Posted on October 18, 2017 by Beth Terry — 2 Comments ↓

Becoming an Adult is not easy

Adult, Beth Terry, CSP, Oct 2017 — Becoming an Adult is not always easy

What will you tell your adult child? My girlfriend’s daughter celebrated her first birthday this month. My friend asked for a note to file away for her daughter’s 18th birthday. I thought of all the things I wish I’d known when I left home for the first time as an adult. What would you say? What do you wish you had known? Granted, the world will be very different in 2034, but who knows? Life does seem to keep imitating itself. Maybe my letter will help her become a successful adult!

From my note:

Perspective is Everything!

Nothing is as it seems and there is always another side to the story, including your own. Pay attention. Listen between the lines. Don’t jump to conclusions just because someone else offers to do your thinking for you. Check your memory. Sometimes someone close to you has more information than you do.
No one is as cool and calm as they seem. Everyone is scared. Everyone is a little lost from time to time. Many people have their own defenses to keep people from getting too close to the truth of who they are. If you try and copy someone because you believe in outward appearances, you’ll find yourself disappointed many, many times. People trying to appear perfect at all costs are often the ones with the deepest, darkest secrets and the ones who are the most scared of showing who they really are.

Intuition Works

Trust your gut. God gave us a wonderful thing called intuition. It’s woven from subconscious observations, learned truths, eternal truths, brains far more sophisticated than any computer, and your conscious experiences. If something doesn’t seem right, pay attention. If someone makes your skin crawl, there may be a backstory you need to know. If you just ‘don’t feel like’ going with friends or trying something new, maybe there’s a reason. Listen to your echoes.

To be continued tomorrow…

Start writing your own letter to your adult children. See you tomorrow…

Part 2 here: Adulting Pt 2

Part 3 here: Adulting Pt3

Blessings,

Becoming an Adult

Posted on October 18, 2017 by Beth Terry — 4 Comments ↓

Becoming an Adult is not easy

From my note:

Perspective is Everything!

Nothing is as it seems and there is always another side to the story, including your own. Pay attention. Listen between the lines. Don’t jump to conclusions just because someone else offers to do your thinking for you. Check your memory. Sometimes someone close to you has more information than you do.
No one is as cool and calm as they seem. Everyone is scared. Everyone is a little lost from time to time. Many people have their own defenses to keep people from getting too close to the truth of who they are. If you try and copy someone because you believe in outward appearances, you’ll find yourself disappointed many, many times. People trying to appear perfect at all costs are often the ones with the deepest, darkest secrets and the ones who are the most scared of showing who they really are.

Intuition Works

Trust your gut. God gave us a wonderful thing called intuition. It’s woven from subconscious observations, learned truths, eternal truths, brains far more sophisticated than any computer, and your conscious experiences. If something doesn’t seem right, pay attention. If someone makes your skin crawl, there may be a backstory you need to know. If you just ‘don’t feel like’ going with friends or trying something new, maybe there’s a reason. Listen to your echoes.

To be continued tomorrow…

Start writing your own letter to your adult children. See you tomorrow…

Part 2 here: Adulting Pt 2

Part 3 here: Adulting Pt3

Blessings,

Blended Family Mothers Day

Posted on May 14, 2017 by Beth Terry — No Comments ↓

Blended Families Can Be Challenging Especially on Mothers and Fathers Day

©BethTerry.com 1995-2017 — Kids see and know more than we think

It’s Mothers Day. Drive around your town and you’ll see daddies dropping their kids off at mom’s house. With a divorce rate at 50% or more, there are a lot of kids living in two homes. Blended families are the norm now and we really need to get a handle on it. Too many parents use kids as agents in enemy territory. KNOCK IT OFF!

These kids are people, too. They might not know as much as us, but they know plenty. One day I was asked why Mommy and Daddy had to fight so much. I told my little one, “Hey, think of it this way: Some kids don’t have ANYONE to love them. You girls have four parents, oodles of grandparents and even more aunties and uncles who are fighting to prove they really, really, really love you! You are our Angels!”

She then proceeded to draw the picture above and informed me they had halos and wings because they “flew between the houses and made us happy.”

There’s a reason I wrote my new book, Resilience Not Included: Helping Your Kids Learn to Bounce Back. I didn’t do enough for my first set of stepkids. The biological parents duked it out and competed to see who could buy them more stuff than the other. I loved those kids and in retrospect wish I had stepped in more. Maybe they would have struggled less as adults.

Make Agreements With Your Spouse

With my second set of stepkids, my husband and I made some agreements. One of them was to not play the “make mommy wrong” game, and to not get sucked into it if/when she tried the same. It’s amazing what happens when you don’t take the bait. I still would like to hug my girls’ mother because she brought these wonderful girls into the world. So Happy Mother’s Day to her!

Here’s one way to successfully navigate in a Blended Family. This is an excerpt from my new book…

Spoiled Milk And A Lesson, P. 35

It was a normal after-school day. The girls were happily playing in the living room. I noticed one hadn’t done her chores, so I called out to make sure she got them done before dinner. She came over to me with hands on her hips, declaring, “I don’t want to. Mommy says we don’t have to do chores over here. Megan doesn’t do ANY chores at all!”

I heard a little siren in my head! “Man the Battle Stations! This one is important!” Reluctant at that point to take on the Mommy comment, I headed for her friend’s situation.

“Megan is spoiled. We don’t use her experience as a guideline in this house.”

Challenge accepted: “Well, I want to be spoiled, too!”

I sighed and took a deep breath. “Honey, would you do me a favor and grab the milk out of the fridge? And bring a glass please? Thanks.” She did and I asked her to pour it. I knew they had left the milk sitting out and it was closer to cottage cheese than milk at that point. Glug glug glug, the big chunks dropped into the glass. “Can you please drink that for me?”

“NO!”

“Honey, please drink the milk…”

“NO! I don’t want to!”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s spoiled!”

Out of the corner of my eye I saw her three sisters watching with wide eyes from the living room floor. One by one they figured out what I was doing. But my stubborn one was just not getting it.

“Yes ma’am. That is spoiled milk. That’s what spoiled looks like. No one wants it. And if you’re spoiled, no one will want to play with you. No one will want to hire you. No one will want to be in a relationship with you. I love you too much to let you grow up spoiled. Now go do your chores.”

Surprisingly, she did just that. End of the conversation, and as you can see from the letter in the Appendix, not only did she remember that lesson, all her sisters did as well.

I didn’t take the bait…

By diverting the conversation away from the claim that her Mother said she didn’t have to do chores I got to the real issue: I didn’t want her to grow up spoiled. In a blended family, mothers and fathers tend to take the bait and turn everything into a battleground. It took years of experience for me to figure out ultimately this is about raising healthy kids. It might be too late to raise healthy parents, but these girls were going to, By God, grow up resilient, happy and healthy!

Bless All Moms, Stepmoms, Grandmothers and Aunties!

PS – Don’t forget to check out my new book for Parents and those who need to Re-Parent themselves!

Resilience can be shared and taught! Help your kids thrive!

Monday Morning Gratitude

Posted on May 1, 2017 by Beth Terry — 1 Comment ↓

Quick Gratitude Fix For Your Week

Gratitude Beth Terry — Gratitude instantly shifts Attitude

Gratitude Matters. We know this! “Say Thank You!” We’ve all heard our moms and dads push us to show gratitude for a gift from grandma or an aunt. It turns out there’s more to it than making grandma feel good. Our own mood and productivity will instantly respond to our grateful thoughts.

Focusing on gratitude doesn’t mean being Pollyanna. It isn’t about ignoring the craziness in the world around us. And it isn’t an airy-fairy-feel-good notion.

You will notice Gratitude and Forgiveness are often tied together. They show up a lot in this blog and in Cactus Wrangler.

I write about these topics because I want you to know you can instantly feel better when focusing on gratitude instead of negativity. You aren’t alone. We all go down that negativity rabbit hole from time to time.

This morning I used a time-tested technique. I grabbed a pile of blank Thank You cards and started writing thank you notes to everyone who has recently done something wonderful for me. Within ten minutes I noticed a dramatic shift in my energy levels.

If you’re having a tough Monday, try writing some notes. Don’t take the easy way out via email, instead, grab a pen and a card. The physical act of writing “Thank You” dozens of times has a very calming and positive effect on the brain and heart. You are telling your brain to call up positive experiences and transmit those to your hands so you can write them down. It’s almost magic how quickly it shifts everything!

The Neurological Benefits

After a quick search I discovered there are several wonderful neurological reasons Gratitude and Forgiveness are therapeutic. Psychology Today recently reported on a study done in Italy that quantifies and measures the life-changing, neuronal-path-changing and productivity breakthroughs of shifting our focus and forgiving. Rita Watson does a wonderful job of explaining this study and one by Johns Hopkins psychiatrist Karen Swartz, MD.

The important point is we can choose this behavior, this focus. Even when we don’t “feel like it” we can take a deep breath and choose to find a win or a lesson in the experience. What’s the Lesson? What’s the long-term benefit? Can I find a blessing in this?

When something bad happened that is now in the past, you harm yourself by focusing only on the grudge, the anger or the need for revenge and retribution. Think of it as carrying a bag of knives around and stabbing yourself with them each time the thought occurs to you. Letting old hurts and old grudges hold you back harms you, not the perpetrator! You do have choices here. Use them!

List Your “Gratitudes.”

Remember the good others have done for you.

Communicate your gratitude to everyone who has helped you along the way.

Be kind to yourself.

Bless Yourself, we need you!

PS – Don’t forget to check out my new book for Parents and those who need to Re-Parent themselves!

@2017 Beth Terry — Resilience can be shared and taught! Help your kids thrive!

Monday Morning Gratitude

Posted on May 1, 2017 by Beth Terry — 2 Comments ↓

Quick Gratitude Fix For Your Week

Focusing on gratitude doesn’t mean being Pollyanna. It isn’t about ignoring the craziness in the world around us. And it isn’t an airy-fairy-feel-good notion.

You will notice Gratitude and Forgiveness are often tied together. They show up a lot in this blog and in Cactus Wrangler.

The Neurological Benefits

List Your “Gratitudes.”

Remember the good others have done for you.

Communicate your gratitude to everyone who has helped you along the way.

Be kind to yourself.

Bless Yourself, we need you!

PS – Don’t forget to check out my new book for Parents and those who need to Re-Parent themselves!

Beth on the Radio Monday

Posted on April 15, 2017 by Beth Terry — 1 Comment ↓

Listen To Live Radio Or Log On After Monday For Podcast

Log on and listen to the live radio show from anywhere! Or log on later and hear the Podcast!

Resilience is defined as the inner capacity to cope with stressors in a positive way. If you are resilient, you have the ability to manage past, present, and future stressful events. You are able to use your inner resources to remain competent, skillful, and focused on your goals in the face of adversity. You also recover more quickly from illness and setbacks than less resilient people.

Join our guest, Beth Terry, a resilience expert who has been speaking on the topic for more than a decade and learn how to tap the resilience that exists within you.

Beth Terry, CSP, has recently written a new book called Resilience Not Included: How To Help Your Kids Bounce Back It is currently in pre-production and will be available by the first week of May. Pre-publication versions are available today in PDF format, or you may pre-order and indicate your preferred ebook style. Ebook orders will be fulfilled the first week in May.

For more Information, contact Westbridge Community Services. One Hour At A Time is a weekly radio show provided by Mary Todd. Mary covers issues relating to mental health, family issues, addiction and recovery.

Beth Terry will cover the importance of resilience in recovering from life’s challenges. Topics include the difference between Enabling and Empowering, along with hints on how everyone’s resilience can be developed. The early years matter, but it’s never too late to start improving your life!

Hope you join us!

Easter Blessings!

Beth on the Radio Monday

Posted on April 15, 2017 by Beth Terry — 2 Comments ↓

Listen To Live Radio Or Log On After Monday For Podcast

Log on and listen to the live radio show from anywhere! Or log on later and hear the Podcast!

Join our guest, Beth Terry, a resilience expert who has been speaking on the topic for more than a decade and learn how to tap the resilience that exists within you.

Hope you join us!

Easter Blessings!

Vitamin D(og) is Good for the Soul

Posted on March 26, 2017 by Beth Terry — 2 Comments ↓

Dogs make you go outside and play… and that’s a good thing!

© 2017 Beth Terry, EverybodysLost.com — Get a Dog, they’ll make sure you get your Vitamin D(og)!

Arizona has 300 days of sunshine a year. With that kind of sun, one would think we’re all swimming in Vitamin D, which most people get from sunlight. Vitamin D helps the body metabolize calcium and low levels can be a precursor to osteoporosis.

Studies have shown the population of Arizona isn’t taking full advantage of those sunny days. We stay indoors or run from the house to the car to the office or store. With our legendary summers trending 100+ days straight of “triple digit” temps, turns out we’re conditioned to stay out of the sun!

Ah – the hikers and bikers are yelling at me, “Well WE go outside!!” Yes, I know, but nearly one quarter of the Caucasian population, one third of the Hispanic population and half of the African-American population in Arizona were found to be Vitamin D deficient.

Turns out I’m one of them. I was advised to take supplements. To do more weight bearing exercises. To drink more milk and eat more Kale. Instead, I got a dog.

Rescue A Dog!

Dogs make you go outside. They need to be walked, to be potty-trained and mostly they need to play. PLAY!

My happy little rescue appears to be part Chihuahua, part Antelope and definitely part Cat. She forces me to go outside. She’s still a one year old puppy and wants to play “The CLAW” with me. When the door is opened, she leaps outside like a young deer and bounds across the lawn.

If you peeked over my fence, you would see a ridiculous 65-year old woman racing back and forth across the lawn squealing, “The claw… the claw is going to get you!” Then you’d see a wonderful six- pound puppy racing with the wind, dodging and turning, faking left and right while I run after her. She grins and makes what I swear are a combination of a yelp and a meow, then takes off at high speed to the other side of the lawn. I have never been more grateful for putting grass in my back yard than I am today.

After three months of this newfound exercise program, I returned to the lab to check my Vitamin D levels. I had forgotten to refill my Vitamin D supplement, and I’ve never been fond of dairy. Turns out running around for an hour a day in the back yard chasing a dog has raised my Vitamin D levels perceptibly.

They say petting a dog is good for your heart. It’s also good for the soul and your bones. Go rescue a dog today! I promise the dog will rescue you back! It’ll do you good and keep the doctor away! (If you are in Phoenix, PACC911 unites the entire pet rescue community. Look online for rescue groups in your region.)

Blessings,

Welcome Love and a Pet into your Life Today,